my wife left me because i was having sex with a midget behind her kitchen counter while she was at work. she came home and found me balls deep in this dude's ass and just flipped. she threw the tray of dishes from the sink at my head. it missed and hit the midget (who is named fred in case you were wondering) then she called me a freak and stormed out. she came back about a week later to gather up some of her things and go back to her mom's house. i wasn't there but fred said that she attacked him after she loaded her car up with shit. he said he got in a few good shots on her but he looked fucked up so i think she actually won the fight. poor fred. i just can't look at him the same way anymore. he's the reason my wife left. i probably should have called it off but instead i just moved out without telling him where i was going and then i changed my number. last i heard he was seen walking down a side street in the downtown core wearing a dress and a turtleneck sweater.
If you saw the kind of women I blew off you'd probably kill yourself, especially considering that you're going to die a virgin if your balls don't ever drop and start producing test. I'm the fucking man, don't ever forget it.
Parked my car on some pussy benching 400. I got out, and immediately loaded up 1000 lbs for warm ups. Not having enough 45 plates in the gym to suffice my ultimate animal needs, I went around collecting bodies, bodies ranging from 150 pound weaklings to 300 pound blobs. I stood them all in a line and threw an olympic bar like a javelin through their torsos, making a human shish-kebob weighing 3000 lbs. I threw it up over my head, took a deep breath into my belly of human flesh and blood, and repped for 20. Then I siphoned some of my cars gasoline out onto the floor beneath the 3000 pound human squat bar, lit it up and cooked myself a well balanced animal meal. Some might call it murder, I just call it instinct, animals can't be arrested for murder.
I popped my animal pak in and chased it with boars blood, and then the unthinkable happened today, I was going to enter my gym through the main entrance when animal instinct took over. I knew something was wrong. It was my large torso, too wide to get through the door. I calmed myself down thinking, i'd better be able to get into the gym. I went back to my car, popped another animal pak, reved up my engine, and drove through the door. The crash cleared 4 more feet in the entrance, wide enough for future visits to the gym, because I know i'd only be getting bigger by the second. The animal pak was in full effect at this point, I lost control. I reved up the engine once more and ran over the people on the treadmills. All those doing curls I played bumper cars with, they didn't stand a chance. I saw my target, I drove to the squat rack.