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Review by Patrick Garcia Full disclosure before I begin: I was not actually able to complete this game. Every time I sat in front of my TV, controller in hand and ready to play, it wouldn’t take long before it got the best of me, and I had to turn it off. I don’t mean to suggest that this game is so inconceivably difficult that it makes TMNT 1 (NES) look like TMNT 2 (NES), but it’s just that there is so little to like about the game that the experience was just excruciating. Developer CyberConnect2 may have just created the first of a new genre in which I’d like to lovingly refer to as a ‘Snooze Button Masher’ (that’s right, you’re hearing it from me first!), because every nine minutes, you might actually get to hit a button. I’m referring to the overabundance of cutscenes, of which there are some that contain simple quick-time events. Now before any of you fans of the game out there start losing it (it’s hard to believe that they exist, but I’m sure even E.T. has its share of die-hards), of course I’m not being literal and there is a certain degree of exaggeration here, but only some. Let me explain… As a big fan of Ninja Gaiden, God of War, Castle Crashers, TMNT and other such brawlers, I actually had some hope for this game, because who doesn’t think unceremoniously maiming lesser mortals as a Demigod sounds fun? So you can imagine my disappointment when the first 15 minutes of the game (though it felt much longer) was essentially a poorly-executed rail shooter, frequently interrupted by cutscene after cutscene introducing the different demigods. As Asura descends to Earth, the objective was to blast away the Gohma, which were these red asteroid-looking things.OK, not so bad yet, I guess I just have to arrive on Earth first before I start obliterating everything. No problem. But after destroying a few Gohma, there would be a cutscene (well that was a short sequence, but I suppose we can move forth with some narrative). The scene ends and it was back to the rail shooter bit, then another cutscene, then shooter bit. These cutscenes lasted longer than the shooter sequences did, and that’s the way it progressed until all of the demigods had been introduced and the player properly detached and thoroughly disinterested. I could already see that the story was going to be your typical Japanese romp, with the infinite weirdness that comes with it. Usually I’m someone who can look past a bland story as long as the gameplay is good, but it quickly become evident that this wasn’t going to be the case here after finally getting on the ground for some brawling combat. Essentially the only attack you have to work with is mapped to the B button, which comprises your basic melee attacks. The player can use Y for a powerful attack, but it has a refresh timer after each use, so you’re...
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